For what it’s worth…

I get that this life is hard, stressful and intense. It can be sad and lonely, heart-breaking and worrisome. It’s a journey of questions and what-ifs. It’s full of paperwork, insurance, therapies, planning and meetings. Along with mistakes, trials & errors, and tears.

There’s hitting, biting, kicking, dropping, scratching, pulling and the exhaustion of a mom and dad. It’s full of ‘use your words’, trying new foods, understanding our non-verbal son, the forever struggle to potty train and working on skills at all times.

There is no rest for the weary.

The majority above comes with being a parent but add being a special needs parent and all of the above has an added boost to it. It would be so easy to always dwell on the hard times, the negative aspects, trying issues and the difficult situations we go though but that shouldn’t be the life we live. It shouldn’t be the life we choose.

I do acknowledge that this journey has smiles, giggles, hugs and snuggles. It has wonder and amazement at each new day. It has the cutest nose, kissable cheeks and long black eye-lashes. It enjoys tents and books and of course iPad time. It of course being J.

So though at times I may focus on the negative or worry more than I should, I have for the most part looked to the positive and good of what I can learn from J and autism. J has taught me patience beyond anything I had before, to be present and to use my own words. I have learned to slow down (but that might be more so because J likes the lights off in the morning and night) and to engage with not only him but those around me.

I connect with my son on a level I didn’t know about before autism. J letting me enter his world is a privilege, and to see the simplicity of life through his eyes is awakening. I love watching him, how I can see his mind flit from one thing to another. I may have laundry to do, dishes to wash or a floor to sweep but if J wants to engage with me, I will drop whatever I’m doing to be with him because you don’t know when another opportunity will present itself.

I love my child and his autism for what he and it has given us, shown us and taught us. Every day I look at my child and can feel my heart melt because of how much I love him. We will have difficult days in the future but I will continue to focus on the positive and what can be instead of what isn’t.

“Looking into my son’s eyes, all I see is a happy boy who does not think (know) he has special needs. And that’s how it should be.” ~

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