I was so good about not getting emotional before J left for school, didn’t want to upset him prior to leaving, but once he was on his way the tears came.
I’m always so nervous for my boy. Will his new bus aides treat him okay and try to understand his quirks? That includes his new paras at school, will they work well with him and vice versa? Will he continue to excel and progress with his IEP (individual education program)? Will his classmates and peers be kind to him and nice, will someone try to be his friend?
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve asked the universe to let him be able to tell me how his days are. The ups and downs, what brings him joy and sadness. I so wish I could know what his days are like besides a third party telling me this and that.
Things will be alright though. Everyday I learn more, learn how to understand and relate to my son, learn through research and articles on how to be a better and stronger advocate for my son, learn how to seek support and guidance from others to keep progressing with my son. I can only hope that with all this knowledge and continued learning that J will never go without (no matter how many times I think I’ve failed him), that my intentions are always for the best, for his best.
This doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges, hardships or sorrow. Challenges with transitions and new or different schedules. Hardships with maintaining appropriate behaviors. Sorrows that we don’t get to experience the typical events that go along with raising a child; like in our most recent event, the joys of back to school shopping. What a chore the turned out to be. J had a meltdown while shopping because he wanted to go to the garden center instead of doing the shopping first. He didn’t want to wait or want to understand the first/then schedule. A trip that could have been fun and enjoyable turned into Lance walking, half carrying J to the car while I finished the shopping. The excitement for back to school shopping, open house night or showing off his classroom, where he sits, his teacher or friends isn’t something we have ever experienced.
At the very least I won’t ever go without seeing his excitement of seeing the gym during ESY or getting on the magical yellow school bus in the mornings. 🚌